So you’re dating someone and they have told you that they have Asperger’s syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. What does this mean? Well, this means they’re not neurotypical. Basically, their brain is wired differently which means the person you’re dating is different. A big thing about people with Asperger’s syndrome is they don’t understand social cues and have trouble fitting in. Dating is already confusing but it’s extremely confusing if you’re an aspie. With that being said, here are some tips for helping you and your autistic lover have a good relationship.
- Be a Good Communicator: This is basic for any good relationship but it’s very important when dating an aspie. Many people learn how to pick up on social cues and body language. For aspies, it’s much harder and there are times where they won’t understand if someone is flirting with them. So if you’re feeling upset or annoyed, tell them and try to explain things. My fiance has told me it’s better when I am open about my feelings and while it’s sometimes hard, I have to agree with him.
2. Get Ready for Rambling: One thing that sets autistic people apart from neurotypical people is their tendency to get obsessed with things. Take me for an example. I love everything having to do with Jim Henson. If you let me, I’ll talk about him for hours. I can tell you about his birthplace, his family and how he became the most famous puppeteer of all time Some aspies love cars, Pokemon or various other things. The bottom line is that your aspie will want to talk about their obsessions constantly. Be patient, listen and understand your aspie isn’t trying to be annoying. They’re just trying to share something with you.
3. Make Sure You Understand Their Boundaries: Sex is another thing that can be complicated no matter who you are so it’s always important to set boundaries. This goes double for people with Asperger's. There are many people autistic people who are asexual and many who aren’t. Make sure you know what your aspie is and isn’t comfortable with. And if they aren’t ready to have that talk yet, be understanding and wait. It’ll be worth it. When I started dating my fiance, we talked about sex and planned ahead, making sure we had condoms and that we were both comfortable.
4. Be Patient: Yes, this word has been mentioned repeatedly within this article but that’s because it’s important. People with any form of autism need patience. Their brains take in information differently and it’s sometimes hard for them to get certain things right away. Let’s use me as an example again. I failed my driving test twice and it took me a long time to learn how to drive. I was nervous, I hated the idea of driving and I was scared of the other people on the road. So it took me a while until I finally passed the test. Once I did, driving was less scary. For other aspie’s, they might have trouble finding a job or money. Just know they are trying and be patient with them.
5. Don’t Treat Them Like They’re Stupid: No one likes to be talked down to. I don’t know a single person who does. There is nothing more aggravating than having someone treat you like you’re a moron. And aspies? We have to deal with this a lot. Yes, I may not understand chemistry but that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. Just because my brain is different doesn’t mean I’m less of a person either. If you treat your aspie like they’re dumb, don’t be surprised if they leave you for someone else.
6. Just Love Them: Yes, it’s cheesy and cliche but loving an aspie for who they are means the world. Embracing their weirdness and understanding them means so much. Making an effort to understand them is big as well. If you love someone with Asperger’s, just understand it’s going to be work but also know it’ll be so worth it in the end.
